7: What happened when you ‘awoke’ from your experience?
I immediately began laughing! My girlfriend was looking at me like I had lost it. To her I began crying then was cracking up. She had no idea what I just experienced, and to her only a few moments had passed. I was laughing because I was amazed and satiated. The feeling of love when you’re in-between lives was many times what I experienced as human love. The relief that ‘everything was alright’ was tremendous. Up to that point I had 99.9% faith but that last part was finally satisfied.
The next thing I noticed was this painting I was working on, sitting on the floor in our apartment. Right away I could tell my perception was different. I saw the symbolism I was intentionally trying to paint but beyond that I saw what it meant about me to be painting it. I saw the next level. I then focused on some art work that we had hanging up. I understood the reason for every single brush stroke, what it expressed and what it meant about the artist. I understood the creation of the print and it’s demise in the future! I looked at a wood table and understood the tree it was cut from, the designer, it’s construction, and it’s decay into dust! Everything I focused on bombarded my mind with levels of information I never dreamed possible.
Ok, so now I’m walking around laughing my ass off, bugging out on everything. Meanwhile, my girl is starting to have that look like she’s going to call 911. I realized that as amazing as what I was seeing was, it was time to come all the way ‘back’ before getting committed to a mental institution. I was thinking, “How the heck can I go to work like this?” So I went into the bathroom and ran the cold water. I started splashing my face with it, then that evolved to full-fledged smacking. Slowly, with my girl standing there open mouthed, I stopped laughing. I was just kind of chuckling, smacking myself. I could actually feel thoughts clearing out of my brain. Within half an hour I was ‘normal’ again.
My whole life had been spent looking for answers and I thought I would be satisfied once I had them. However, it wasn’t about finding an answer, it was about living it. This was difficult for me because I was a ‘seeker’ and having found I lost my definition of self. What I was, was destroyed that day and it took allot of time to get back on track, defining a new purpose. Finding out how to best live based on what I found out, and of course share, where welcome.
The next thing I noticed was this painting I was working on, sitting on the floor in our apartment. Right away I could tell my perception was different. I saw the symbolism I was intentionally trying to paint but beyond that I saw what it meant about me to be painting it. I saw the next level. I then focused on some art work that we had hanging up. I understood the reason for every single brush stroke, what it expressed and what it meant about the artist. I understood the creation of the print and it’s demise in the future! I looked at a wood table and understood the tree it was cut from, the designer, it’s construction, and it’s decay into dust! Everything I focused on bombarded my mind with levels of information I never dreamed possible.
Ok, so now I’m walking around laughing my ass off, bugging out on everything. Meanwhile, my girl is starting to have that look like she’s going to call 911. I realized that as amazing as what I was seeing was, it was time to come all the way ‘back’ before getting committed to a mental institution. I was thinking, “How the heck can I go to work like this?” So I went into the bathroom and ran the cold water. I started splashing my face with it, then that evolved to full-fledged smacking. Slowly, with my girl standing there open mouthed, I stopped laughing. I was just kind of chuckling, smacking myself. I could actually feel thoughts clearing out of my brain. Within half an hour I was ‘normal’ again.
My whole life had been spent looking for answers and I thought I would be satisfied once I had them. However, it wasn’t about finding an answer, it was about living it. This was difficult for me because I was a ‘seeker’ and having found I lost my definition of self. What I was, was destroyed that day and it took allot of time to get back on track, defining a new purpose. Finding out how to best live based on what I found out, and of course share, where welcome.
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