49: How can one stop comparing themselves with others?
"I'm in love with someone and compared to him I feel so stupid, inferior, ... I just keep thinking that I will never have a chance with him because of that."
First off, I think that this is a brilliant question and I commend you on your bravery to ask me for a response! Comparing ourselves with others can definitely have a negative or a positive potential. It’s negative when we look at another person and place a value on them that is higher than the value that we place on ourselves. It’s positive when we look at another person, understanding that they have no higher value then our self, and use them as an inspiration for self-improvement.
In reality, we are all unique expressions of God, and we all hold the exact same value. We need to be diligent mentally, to insure that we believe and act according to this fact. People with low self-esteem tend to value everyone else higher than themselves, people who are selfish and conceited believe that their value is higher then others. Again, both of those perspectives are inaccurate. Now, we can take a human and we can define characteristics, then we can place values on them through comparison, for example; When two people take the same test, the one that scores higher usually has more knowledge about the subject matter than the one that scores lower. Which person is smarter? We don’t know, we only know who knows more about the tested subject. Which person is better? We can’t really answer that based on the test. What test can we create that determines the value of a person? We can never do that either, because we all see things a little different, so the person creating the test will always be biased by their perspective. If we talk about other characteristics like beauty, again we see that it’s biased based on the person choosing who is more beautiful than another. The overall point is, regardless of values placed on characteristics, we each all hold the same overall value. Another way to look at this is apples and oranges. What’s better, an apple or an orange? Should the apple be mad it’s not orange in color? NO! The apple should be the best apple it can be!!
When someone has something that we want, it’s very human and very common to take it out on ourselves, or on the person possessing. It can be intelligence, attractiveness, money, etc. We all need to use that feeling as a possible guide towards our own ambitions for happiness. In other words, if you like your neighbors new BMW, then make the changes you need to acquire your own, there is no need to feel bad towards your neighbor or yourself! If what you want is not achievable, then accept it and keep moving towards it or accept it and change focus. You should NEVER feel stupid or inferior. Instead, be inspired to act in ways that will bring you closer to your goals. There are reasons why we are not all the same, but please don’t think anyone is ‘better.’
As far as thinking that your own inferiority will prevent you from having the person you want to fall in love with you goes.. I would suggest that before you pursue ANY serious relationship you fall in love with yourself. Feeling inferior and starting a relationship is a recipe for co-dependence at best. When you embrace your uniqueness and truly accept yourself for who you are, you will become more attractive to the universe. You will need that understanding of self, to have the perspective you need, to make good decisions when it comes to love relationships. Obviously, there are no words I can say to you, and there may not be any words that you can say, to make the person in question love you. I will say that by your thinking you don’t have a chance with that person, you are creating that reality through the law of attraction. I think that in a way you are asking how can you get this guy to like you, even though there is a difference in intelligence…. The first step is to stop thinking about that factor, you’re giving it too much power. Maybe you feel more uncomfortable about then he does? In a relationship, it’s all about communication. Ask the guy what he thinks about the subject. We are all different. For me personally, intelligence is far less important than honesty, compassion, and a person’s actions (and more). If you’re meant to be with this person, just talk and it will work out. Otherwise, hopefully you have a great friend. Live in the now and enjoy each day with that person. Good luck ;-)
First off, I think that this is a brilliant question and I commend you on your bravery to ask me for a response! Comparing ourselves with others can definitely have a negative or a positive potential. It’s negative when we look at another person and place a value on them that is higher than the value that we place on ourselves. It’s positive when we look at another person, understanding that they have no higher value then our self, and use them as an inspiration for self-improvement.
In reality, we are all unique expressions of God, and we all hold the exact same value. We need to be diligent mentally, to insure that we believe and act according to this fact. People with low self-esteem tend to value everyone else higher than themselves, people who are selfish and conceited believe that their value is higher then others. Again, both of those perspectives are inaccurate. Now, we can take a human and we can define characteristics, then we can place values on them through comparison, for example; When two people take the same test, the one that scores higher usually has more knowledge about the subject matter than the one that scores lower. Which person is smarter? We don’t know, we only know who knows more about the tested subject. Which person is better? We can’t really answer that based on the test. What test can we create that determines the value of a person? We can never do that either, because we all see things a little different, so the person creating the test will always be biased by their perspective. If we talk about other characteristics like beauty, again we see that it’s biased based on the person choosing who is more beautiful than another. The overall point is, regardless of values placed on characteristics, we each all hold the same overall value. Another way to look at this is apples and oranges. What’s better, an apple or an orange? Should the apple be mad it’s not orange in color? NO! The apple should be the best apple it can be!!
When someone has something that we want, it’s very human and very common to take it out on ourselves, or on the person possessing. It can be intelligence, attractiveness, money, etc. We all need to use that feeling as a possible guide towards our own ambitions for happiness. In other words, if you like your neighbors new BMW, then make the changes you need to acquire your own, there is no need to feel bad towards your neighbor or yourself! If what you want is not achievable, then accept it and keep moving towards it or accept it and change focus. You should NEVER feel stupid or inferior. Instead, be inspired to act in ways that will bring you closer to your goals. There are reasons why we are not all the same, but please don’t think anyone is ‘better.’
As far as thinking that your own inferiority will prevent you from having the person you want to fall in love with you goes.. I would suggest that before you pursue ANY serious relationship you fall in love with yourself. Feeling inferior and starting a relationship is a recipe for co-dependence at best. When you embrace your uniqueness and truly accept yourself for who you are, you will become more attractive to the universe. You will need that understanding of self, to have the perspective you need, to make good decisions when it comes to love relationships. Obviously, there are no words I can say to you, and there may not be any words that you can say, to make the person in question love you. I will say that by your thinking you don’t have a chance with that person, you are creating that reality through the law of attraction. I think that in a way you are asking how can you get this guy to like you, even though there is a difference in intelligence…. The first step is to stop thinking about that factor, you’re giving it too much power. Maybe you feel more uncomfortable about then he does? In a relationship, it’s all about communication. Ask the guy what he thinks about the subject. We are all different. For me personally, intelligence is far less important than honesty, compassion, and a person’s actions (and more). If you’re meant to be with this person, just talk and it will work out. Otherwise, hopefully you have a great friend. Live in the now and enjoy each day with that person. Good luck ;-)
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