52:..I was betrayed…What kind of a person does that?
“…at the most critical time in my life, I was betrayed. I have chosen to not let go of this person. But I can't get over it. How could "you" leave me, in the darkness, to fight for my life, all alone? I just don't get it. What kind of a person does that?”
I understand and can relate to the feeling behind this question all too well. I must say that the type of situation you have described, even without further detail, is definitely one of the more difficult challenges that any of us can face! One thing that people will notice from reading my work, is that I don’t try to candy coat anything. The reason why this is such a challenging situation is because humans want what they want, to be what’s right for them, especially concerning relationships. This gains even more power when you think about fairy tails, romance novels, and other fictional stories with happy endings. Even beyond relationships we believe that if we do the ‘right’ thing, our version of the ‘right’ result will follow. That is only half true, what’s correct is that if we do the ‘right’ thing, the ‘right’ result will follow - regardless of our comprehension of that result. That’s why when a relationship ends, both people are better off, relationships are spiritual and we are given what we need to learn from. That learning can end because we are not listening, it can end because there is no more ‘material’ to give the other, or because there is no communication/inspiration in the areas of growth that we need at a given time in our lives.
Here is the thing with relationships that I’ve not only found personally, but in my life when I’ve asked other people to confirm this; in a relationship that didn’t work, don’t you remember God/the universe showing you that this person isn’t really meant to be your partner ‘forever’? Wasn’t there something that the person did that made you question your ‘faith’ in them? What did you do, confront them and resolve it to where both parties are happy, or did you choose to overlook it? Ha! If you say you received no ‘message’ to make you reconsider your choice, and the relationship didn’t work out, I would simply say that you’re not listening. What usually happens is this, you’re lonely, you meet someone, you’re not lonely, you realize the relationship is temporary or you hit a challenge, out of fear to be alone again you deny the inner voice advising you to be careful…Time passes, more things come up, more things are ignored/denied…Then you think that your world was crushed overnight. When God/the universe communicates with you through karma (by bringing situations to you)or meditation, it is your responsibility to act. Non-action results in more challenging situations because it’s like you’re denying what God/the universe, is telling you. Now, I’m not saying that every challenge in a relationship is God/the universe telling you that you don’t have a future with a particular person I’m saying that we need to communicate through everything that comes up if we want a healthy relationship. Through the pursuit of that communication we can better protect ourselves from buying into an idea of a relationship, over being sold on an individual. Not to mention that it’s through that communication that we can find some of our greatest opportunities for growth. Every time that I’ve felt the way that you do/did I can trace back to the beginning of the relationship and see where I attached to the person out of fear of being alone and not actually for who that person was. If you think about it, it does the partner a disservice as well by not communicating to them some things they may need work on and your self a disservice if you can’t ask for help on areas that you need work. If we are not in a relationship to help each other, what’s the point? Also, I don’t know the details of your situation, but I think it is safe for me to assume that additional factors could be added to make it worse. It could have gone on for a longer amount of time and more could have been at stake.
I believe in aspiring to improve, to what we think improving is (and what we think it is may/will change). The nice thing about improvement is, it’s attainable. Achieving small goals is the way to achieving large ones. Making a large goal, without understanding this, is difficult. I bring this up because you say, “…I was betrayed. I have chosen to not let go of this person. But I can't get over it. " I always talk about forgiveness and it seems that you are embracing it to the best of your ability – but you are obviously still feeling allot of emotion. We can strive for perfect forgiveness, it is an attainable trait however, without limiting anyone - it’s an ideal that usually takes time to develop. While we are in the process of growth we shouldn’t be too self-critical. If you know that you are doing your best consciously, understand that it can take time for your feelings to align with your mental efforts. In other words, allow yourself time to heal. I hope I don’t come off as hyper-critical, I don’t mean to be that way personally to you. I understand that you are the ‘victim’ in the sense that you were betrayed, it’s natural to feel hurt if the person ever gave you pleasure – I feel like many people can relate to this and I want to give multiple tools for dealing with this situation ☺
You asked, “What kind of person does that?” A human does that. We are not perfect - we can only choose what imperfections we are willing to live with. That is the nicest way to say that. Now, you also said, “all alone.” I believe that in today’s society we focus a bit too much on finding the perfect person to complete us and too little on completing ourselves in order to have more to offer to others. We sometimes even go so far as to think or say, “what’s wrong with that person, they are alone.” In reality, we are never alone BUT we are here to develop as separate entities! That’s why we have egos. Remember, alone = all one, it can be a sign of completion. As far as being in a relationship that is positive for us, sometimes we are in them and sometimes we are not. Take advantage of this time, and use it to better yourself. Trust in God/ the universe. The more complete you are in yourself, the better chance you will have in future relationships, because you will be able to pursue them out of want instead of need!
I understand and can relate to the feeling behind this question all too well. I must say that the type of situation you have described, even without further detail, is definitely one of the more difficult challenges that any of us can face! One thing that people will notice from reading my work, is that I don’t try to candy coat anything. The reason why this is such a challenging situation is because humans want what they want, to be what’s right for them, especially concerning relationships. This gains even more power when you think about fairy tails, romance novels, and other fictional stories with happy endings. Even beyond relationships we believe that if we do the ‘right’ thing, our version of the ‘right’ result will follow. That is only half true, what’s correct is that if we do the ‘right’ thing, the ‘right’ result will follow - regardless of our comprehension of that result. That’s why when a relationship ends, both people are better off, relationships are spiritual and we are given what we need to learn from. That learning can end because we are not listening, it can end because there is no more ‘material’ to give the other, or because there is no communication/inspiration in the areas of growth that we need at a given time in our lives.
Here is the thing with relationships that I’ve not only found personally, but in my life when I’ve asked other people to confirm this; in a relationship that didn’t work, don’t you remember God/the universe showing you that this person isn’t really meant to be your partner ‘forever’? Wasn’t there something that the person did that made you question your ‘faith’ in them? What did you do, confront them and resolve it to where both parties are happy, or did you choose to overlook it? Ha! If you say you received no ‘message’ to make you reconsider your choice, and the relationship didn’t work out, I would simply say that you’re not listening. What usually happens is this, you’re lonely, you meet someone, you’re not lonely, you realize the relationship is temporary or you hit a challenge, out of fear to be alone again you deny the inner voice advising you to be careful…Time passes, more things come up, more things are ignored/denied…Then you think that your world was crushed overnight. When God/the universe communicates with you through karma (by bringing situations to you)or meditation, it is your responsibility to act. Non-action results in more challenging situations because it’s like you’re denying what God/the universe, is telling you. Now, I’m not saying that every challenge in a relationship is God/the universe telling you that you don’t have a future with a particular person I’m saying that we need to communicate through everything that comes up if we want a healthy relationship. Through the pursuit of that communication we can better protect ourselves from buying into an idea of a relationship, over being sold on an individual. Not to mention that it’s through that communication that we can find some of our greatest opportunities for growth. Every time that I’ve felt the way that you do/did I can trace back to the beginning of the relationship and see where I attached to the person out of fear of being alone and not actually for who that person was. If you think about it, it does the partner a disservice as well by not communicating to them some things they may need work on and your self a disservice if you can’t ask for help on areas that you need work. If we are not in a relationship to help each other, what’s the point? Also, I don’t know the details of your situation, but I think it is safe for me to assume that additional factors could be added to make it worse. It could have gone on for a longer amount of time and more could have been at stake.
I believe in aspiring to improve, to what we think improving is (and what we think it is may/will change). The nice thing about improvement is, it’s attainable. Achieving small goals is the way to achieving large ones. Making a large goal, without understanding this, is difficult. I bring this up because you say, “…I was betrayed. I have chosen to not let go of this person. But I can't get over it. " I always talk about forgiveness and it seems that you are embracing it to the best of your ability – but you are obviously still feeling allot of emotion. We can strive for perfect forgiveness, it is an attainable trait however, without limiting anyone - it’s an ideal that usually takes time to develop. While we are in the process of growth we shouldn’t be too self-critical. If you know that you are doing your best consciously, understand that it can take time for your feelings to align with your mental efforts. In other words, allow yourself time to heal. I hope I don’t come off as hyper-critical, I don’t mean to be that way personally to you. I understand that you are the ‘victim’ in the sense that you were betrayed, it’s natural to feel hurt if the person ever gave you pleasure – I feel like many people can relate to this and I want to give multiple tools for dealing with this situation ☺
You asked, “What kind of person does that?” A human does that. We are not perfect - we can only choose what imperfections we are willing to live with. That is the nicest way to say that. Now, you also said, “all alone.” I believe that in today’s society we focus a bit too much on finding the perfect person to complete us and too little on completing ourselves in order to have more to offer to others. We sometimes even go so far as to think or say, “what’s wrong with that person, they are alone.” In reality, we are never alone BUT we are here to develop as separate entities! That’s why we have egos. Remember, alone = all one, it can be a sign of completion. As far as being in a relationship that is positive for us, sometimes we are in them and sometimes we are not. Take advantage of this time, and use it to better yourself. Trust in God/ the universe. The more complete you are in yourself, the better chance you will have in future relationships, because you will be able to pursue them out of want instead of need!
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